Now or Never...Coming 2024!!!
Now or Never
The Tangled Web
The Tangled Web
Prelude
Mariah
My eyes popped open, and my back shot up straight in our fifteenth-century European canopy-style bed. As I felt around on the other side of it, my mind started to wander, and my heart raced in a panic when his solid, muscular frame was nowhere to be found. Then quickly, I slid my feet into my slippers while wrapping my black satin robe around my body.
“Malcolm? Malcolm?” I called out as I began to walk from room to room, looking for any signs of life. There was no response. Immediately, I felt a chill shoot straight through my body, leaving goose bumps down my arms. Something was odd, extremely odd, about the night, but for the life of me, I couldn’t seem to put my finger on it. Not to mention the dream I’d experienced had me frantic. I couldn’t trace all the details of it, but the last thing I recalled was his body lying on the other side of our bed—bloody and lifeless.
As I continued to check the rooms in the house, I felt a cold dampness throughout it, and all I could hear was the roar from the waves tossing and crashing against the rocks outside. The sound reminded me of all those years ago when we first married and why I was so against purchasing this home in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Malcolm had got it as my wedding gift. I could still remember his excitement like it was yesterday from his anticipation of surprising me. It was the very day we’d returned from our honeymoon in Dubai. All I wanted was to get back and begin our lives as husband and wife, quiet and simple. Yet, Malcolm, however, was the full-blown extrovert that I wasn’t. He needed everyone to see from our lifestyle, the cars we drove, and especially the home we lived in that we were very well off financially. With that said, that day, he’d blindfolded me and led me into this 24,000-square-foot luxury oceanfront home. At first glance, it was absolutely breathtaking, but all I felt was pure anxiety from thinking about how close we’d be to the water. Truth be told, my fear came from an incident involving my younger brother around the age of 7. My parents and I vowed never to talk about it after the accident. It was much too painful to even think about, which was mainly why I hadn’t shared it with Malcolm all these years. Anyway, I begged and pleaded with him for us to find a much-smaller condo and maybe grow into a home of this magnitude later when we started having children. But his pride and ego wouldn’t let him relent. He said he’d worked too hard to have the life he’d always dreamed of for him and his wife and marrying me had sealed the deal. Of course, I’d given in, but still, almost ten years later, my soul hadn’t settled with living this close to the ocean. As I reached our living room, my eyes caught a quick glimpse of the display on our sixty-four-inch flat-screen TV. It was at that moment that I realized why I felt so unsettled. Malcolm had never made it a habit to come home after midnight, and the display on the screen read ten minutes after one in the morning. Although I didn’t want to assume the worst, my gut told me that either something was completely wrong or that his lateness had to do with her. Ever since I’d brought that woman into our lives, it seemed as if Malcolm was changing into someone I didn’t know, and I’d been regretting this whole ordeal. He’d been telling me it was all in my head, but something wasn’t adding up about her or their relationship. I hadn’t said much to Malcolm about it for fear of seeming insecure, but with her holding all the right cards in her hands, it was a no-brainer. Not to mention her beauty alone was enough to make any man go crazy. What on earth did you do, Mariah? Why did you ever bring this woman into our lives? I asked myself, finally making it to our kitchen. Grabbing my wineglass from the sink I used earlier in the evening; I rinsed it out and poured the remaining contents of the wine bottle into it. Then leaning up against our white marble-topped kitchen island, I contemplated things further. All I wanted was to give you a son, Malcolm, and now, because of it, our marriage might be destroyed.
All at once, I started thinking of my next move, whether to call her directly and tell her to put my husband on the phone or go to her home to catch both of them red-handed. Either way, he’d be shocked because it was unlike anything I’d ever done. But I felt it was needed to put my mind at ease. Pulling out another bottle of wine, I attempted to fill myself with enough liquid courage to do the latter. However, my practical side advised against it. Instead, with my wineglass in hand, I walked back into the living room, where I’d left my cell phone on the coffee table.
“All right, Mariah, are you really going to do this?” I questioned my alter ego. Then before I knew it, I downed the last bit of wine . . . and dialed her number.
“Hello?” she answered on the first ring in a soft and muffled tone. It was strange because I knew exactly what I wanted to say before I called but having her on the phone suddenly made my mind blank.
“Hello? Mariah?” she called my name, I’m sure from seeing my number on display.
“Uh, yes, is Malcolm—” Before I could finish, someone rang the doorbell several times in quick succession. Then looking out the glass doors that led from our family room to the patio, I could see blue and red lights flashing from several cars. What are the police doing here? I wondered, praying it had nothing to do with my uneasiness about my husband. “Uh, hold on for just a sec. I need to get this.”
As I slowly cracked the door open, the tall, stocky gentleman quickly flashed his badge.
“I’m sorry to come to your home so late, ma’am, but are you the wife of Mr. Malcolm Carter?” Pulling the door open farther, I almost hesitated to answer. “Uh, yes, Officer, yes, I am. But what is this about? Is something wrong?”
“Mrs. Carter, I am Detective Wilson, and this is Detective Murphy. I hate having to tell you this, but—”
“But what?” I cut him off while recalling my dream. “What’s going on?”
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there’s been an accident involving your husband, and he’s . . .”
At that very moment, I honestly hadn’t heard another word he said. All I could remember was my cell phone dropping from my hand and hitting the floor as I fell into the detective’s arms in agony.
I Didn't Think You Existed 2: A Fool in Love
I Didn't Think You Existed 2: A Fool in Love
CHAPTER 1
TIFFANY
My nerves were a complete wreck. My heart was pounding so hard that it felt like it would come through my chest. All I could see was the look of betrayal and disappointment written across Terrence’s face as he looked back at me before stepping onto the elevator. With the help of my best friend, Keisha, he had prepared an amazing night for us here in suite 1307 of the Ritz-Carlton in St. Louis. Everything was perfect. Roses and lit candles were all throughout the suite. Champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries were waiting near the filled Jacuzzi tub. And even the bed was adorned with rose petals, in the shape of a heart. Terrence hadn’t left out one single thing. This was supposed to be our special night, when we confessed our love for one another without any inhibitions—despite the fact that he had a wife. I wasn’t sure if he’d already told her that he wanted a divorce or that he was in love with me. That wasn’t my concern. All I wanted was to share the first night of the rest of our lives together. But now it felt as if my dream had been ripped away from me. I’d waited patiently at the suite for Terrence’s arrival. I’d longed for his scent, the gentleness of his touch, and the warmth of his body next to mine. Fantasies had even danced through my mind: I’d envisioned him removing my black silk robe, laying me down on the bed, and having his way with me while giving me all of him. It was going to be a beautiful dream come true for both of us. But when he’d reached the suite, he’d found me here with David—wrapped in his arms, no less. And in a matter of seconds, that beautiful dream had turned into a big, dreadful nightmare. After roughing up David, he’d turned on his heels and left the suite without uttering a word. I’d run to the door and watched him charge down the hallway to the elevators. I could only imagine what was going through Terrence’s mind. Did he really think I’d invited David here? Did he honestly believe there’d been more to my and David’s embrace than an expression of friendship? My heart literally felt like it was in the pit of my stomach as I tried now to concentrate on what to do next. Oblivious to everything around me, I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and tried calling him, but just as I figured, he didn’t answer. In fact, his phone didn’t even ring. The call went straight to his voicemail, so I knew that he’d turned off his phone. After trying several times more to reach him, I shot him a couple of texts, begging him to at least return my call.
“God, if only he would just hear me out and let me explain. I know that we can fix this,” I said aloud to myself.
“Listen, I know you don’t want to hear it, Tiff, but maybe this was all for the best.”
I was surprised to hear David’s voice, as I had forgotten all about him being here. He walked from the bathroom while wiping his face with a towel as he continued sharing his unwanted thoughts.
“I mean, did you see how he attacked me? That man’s temper is outrageous, and you don’t need a guy like that in your life. And, hell, he better damn well hope I don’t press charges either.”
My mind was so caught up with what happened with Terrence, and David was the furthest thing from it. Although, when I thought about it, he was actually the one to blame for everything that had happened. As I glanced over at him sitting comfortably on the bed, my anger started to boil deep down inside me. Had it not been for David, Terrence would have never left the way he had, and we’d probably be making love by now. Yet as I looked at David, I was suddenly reminded why he was here in the first place. With everything inside me, I tried to muster up a little compassion for the man I had once been engaged to marry. Of course, I never would have imagined that David would be diagnosed with cancer, and my heart truly went out to him. But in all honesty, that’s as far as it went. All I wanted was to get rid of him so that I could be alone and try to find Terrence. With that in mind, I took a deep breath and considered the best way to let him down.
“Uh, David, look, I know that you’re going through a pretty rough time right now, but tonight was just not the night for this, all right?” I said as I paced back and forth. “If you haven’t noticed already, I had plans here, with Terrence, and his seeing you here may have messed up everything. I have to find him and somehow try to explain this and fix things, so I hope you won’t mind leaving.”
“All right, sure. If that’s what you want, then I’ll leave,” he said, still not budging from the bed. “I guess I probably shouldn’t be here, anyway, but I was so desperate to see you, Tiff. It was like I said on the phone when we spoke yesterday. I needed to see you face-to-face.”
“And, like I remember telling you, I needed to think about that. So, this just wasn’t the time or the place to pop up on me the way you did, David. And now everything is ruined.”
Then, as I was speaking, it finally dawned on me. All at once, I stopped pacing and looked at him firmly.
“Wait a minute. How exactly did you know I was here anyway, David? Because if I recall correctly, I said nothing more than I’d come back to St. Louis when we spoke. I didn’t even know that I was coming here until earlier today. So, how is it that you showed up at this hotel, at this very suite, tonight, knowing I’d be here? And please don’t say anything stupid, like it was all some big coincidence, because we both know that’s not the truth.”
His behavior suddenly seemed odd. He started to wiggle around, refused to look directly at me, and struggled to get his words out.
“Well, I . . . I . . . I hope you don’t get upset, Tiff, but since I already knew you were here in St. Louis, I hopped on the first flight. All I planned on doing was meeting you at your old house to talk to you. But then I saw a post on Facebook that Keisha had made. She posted something about taking her bestie to the Ritz and hoping all your dreams came true. That’s when I decided to get an Uber here instead going to the house. I wasn’t even positive about what I was doing, but I thought it was worth a shot.” He took a deep breath and went on. “Anyway, I lied to the young lady downstairs and told her I had an emergency and had to speak with you. I even gave her a hundred-dollar bill for her trouble. Then, after confirming you were here, she gave me the room number. But you really have to understand, I felt so hopeless when I found out about my illness, Tiff. All I wanted was to right my wrongs with you from the past in case anything happens to me.” He paused for a second as he met my gaze. “I’m sorry. I truly feel miserable about everything, but I felt like I had no other choice. But, please believe me, I had no idea about you meeting up with this Terrence guy. I promise,” he pleaded, his hands raised, as if he were surrendering the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
“David, I can’t believe you. Tracking me down here? And lying and paying the desk attendant downstairs? All of that is damn near considered stalking. And you’re talking about pressing charges against Terrence? I should press charges against you.”
“Listen, I did it only because I had to see you. It couldn’t wait until you came back to Texas.” Out of nowhere one lonely tear began to creep down his cheek. He reached out and grabbed my arm, then took both my hands in his. His tone softened when he said, “I needed to see your face again, Tiff, and look into your eyes. I had to know that despite everything that’s happened between us, I’ll have you by my side while I try to battle through this illness. Please, you have to understand.”
My heart sank further as I watched the man whom I had once planned on marrying wallow in his grief in front of me. As much as I wanted to be angry with him, I couldn’t. Besides, I knew I would live to regret it if things didn’t turn out the way I hoped. So, I released my hands from his, tightened my robe, and walked a few steps away from him to put some distance between us.
“David, I already promised you that I would be here for you. I meant it when I said I would try to help you in every way that I possibly can, as much as I can. But I also gotta be totally honest with you too. That’s really all that I can offer. If you’re expecting anything more than that, then you need to know that I can’t give it to you. I mean, what we shared was special in its time, but that part of my life is over, and I’ve moved on.”
“I know. I guess a small part of me hoped that I could somehow win your heart back before, well, you know . . . before it’s too late.”
He dropped his head in his hands. It crushed me to see him that way. I started to feel like maybe I was being too rough. I had to admit that he was dealing with a major illness, one that could possibly have a negative outcome. I had no idea what he was truly going through or feeling inside. So, as much as I wanted and needed him gone, I decided to ease up a bit and be a little more compassionate. I sat down next to him on the bed, placed my hand on his knee, and tried to offer a sense of comfort. However, I couldn’t help but keep my eyes focused on the door, still praying that Terrence would show back up.
“Listen, I’m sorry, David. I know that finding out you have cancer has to be a lot for you and that you’re trying your best to make amends for past mistakes. But to be truthful, when it comes to you and me, too much has happened between us that I still can’t forget just yet.”
“Or that you can’t seem to forgive, you mean.”
“Well, I guess that’s kind of true too. It’s just that forgiveness takes time. It’s not something that happens overnight. And, unfortunately, not enough time has passed since you did what you did to me.”
His eyes locked with mine, and I could almost see a hint of sincerity in them.
“Look, I know I messed up before, but this whole cancer thing has really opened my eyes to what’s most important and to how much I really do love you. I only want a chance to make up for where I went wrong before. And I promise, I’m done with all the lies and deceit. I need you right now, and I want you back, Tiff.”
I saw his lips moving and heard the words coming from them, but I still couldn’t believe my ears as he poured his heart out to me. And, even more so, that it was happening right now. All I could think was that I had to find a way to bring some closure to this situation without hurting him.
“David, I don’t think—”
Before I could get another word out, I suddenly felt his lips cover mine as he gently kissed me. There was no way he had the nerve to pull a stunt like this, I thought. And as I pulled away, I almost wanted to haul off and smack him, but out of nowhere, there was a knock on the door. Right away both our heads turned in that direction as if in one motion. I knew it had to be Terrence, and I figured he’d come back to straighten this whole mess out. And although I couldn’t have been happier, I feared what might happen if he found David still here. Panicking, I jumped off the bed and started to yank on David’s arm while whispering to him, “David, you have to get out of here before Terrence sees you again.”
My eyes went from him to the door and back to him when another knock sounded. However, instead of reacting like I hoped he would, David just sat there, looking like he could care less. “I’m sorry, Tiff. I don’t feel comfortable leaving you here with that guy,” he said, he volume of voice at a normal level, and I was sure Terrence could hear him. “It’s not what you feel comfortable with, David. So, please leave,” I whispered.
As I watched him get up in an unconcerned manner, knocks sounded once again. Suddenly, I had a change of thought.
“No, no, wait. The closet. You have to hide in the closet, okay? Then I’ll distract him, and when he’s not looking, you can go ahead and sneak out.”
I managed to pull him to his feet and then pushed his back toward the closet, not giving him a chance to offer up any rebuttal. The more I thought about Terrence being on the other side of that door, the more I knew that I was doing the right thing. There was no way on earth he would ever be able to understand David still being here. And to tell the truth, I still didn’t understand it myself.
“David, please, if you love me the way you say you do, then you’ll get in the closet and leave quietly when you get the chance.”
I was using his same manipulation on him, and that was when he said the one thing that made me feel sorry for him all over again. He stopped in his tracks and turned to look me dead in the eyes.
“Tiff, I know you want me to go, and I will, but I also have to be honest with you. I’m scared. I mean, what if the doctors can’t cure this? What if I don’t have much longer to live? That’s really why I came here tonight. And that’s why I kissed you. It might be my last time with you.” Being between a rock and a hard place was an understatement. Just the mere thought of him dying from this illness turned my mind completely away from Terrence and back to him . . . but for only a moment. I wanted to be encouraging. I even wanted to be supportive. But the truth was, I just could do that right now.
“David, listen, neither of us knows what the future holds, but you’re not going anywhere anytime soon if I have a say in this,” I said softly so that Terrence wouldn’t hear us. This way when I finally answered the door, I could act as if I had been sleeping and hadn’t heard his initial knocks. “You can fight this, and I’ll be here for you every step of the way. I promise, we’ll fight this together.”
“You really mean that?”
“You have my word, okay?” I said, reaching out to embrace him and praying in the back of my mind that I wouldn’t end up regretting my words. “But listen, right now I need to handle this with Terrence, so I’m asking you to hide in the closet and then leave peacefully.”
David hugged me again, and with a slight hesitation but not putting up a fight, he walked toward the closet as I went to the door. I just stood there as I allowed my robe to fall off one of my shoulders, smoothed down my hair, and took a deep breath. Then I opened the door. “Terrence, I—”
“Good evening, ma’am. I have room service that was ordered by Mr. Montgomery. He requested for it to be delivered at this time.”
“Oh, um, of course. Mr. Montgomery isn’t here yet. But please bring it in, and thank you so much,” was all that I could say, hoping he couldn’t read the disappointment written all over my face. I had wanted it to be Terrence so badly, but now I had to be honest with myself and face the fact that he might not return. I watched as the gentleman pushed the cart into the room. When he turned, I gave him a fake smile as I handed him a tip. He wished me a good evening and left. I closed the door, and feeling stuck in place, I stood there, allowing the tears to flow freely from my eyes. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t blink or even swallow. The tears had taken over when out of nowhere I was reminded of my unwanted guest and the very reason that my night had turned out this way.
“Come here. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be all right.” I felt David’s arms surround me. I wanted to hate him for all that had happened tonight, but the truth was, he was my only solace at that point. He took me over to the bed, laid me down, lay beside me, and held me.
“I love you, Tiffany, more than you’ll ever know,” he softly whispered in my ear.
I heard his words, but there was no way I could form my lips to return them. Mostly because I blamed him for the pain I felt at this very moment. Did I still care for David and want the best for him? Of course. But anything more was an impossibility. I loved him, but not in the same way that he loved me. He must have noticed my overall discomfort with this entire situation, because not another word came from his lips. Instead, he pulled me closer and held me tighter. Lying there, I kept trying to make sense of things. However, after a few minutes, I closed my eyes and allowed my body to find relief with the one lying next to me. With both our worlds in such turmoil, I knew it was what we both needed at that very moment. So, I stopped putting up a fight and simply exhaled.
I Didn't Think You Existed
I Didn't Think YOu Existed
Chapter 1
Tiffany
My three-bedroom, ranch-style home was just the way I liked it—clean, cozy, and peaceful. After a long and hectic day, I’d rushed home to my place of safety and serenity. Now after washing and putting away the dishes from dinner, it was finally time to relax. The only thing that awaited me was a nice, hot bubble bath to soak all my cares away. I’d already begun to run my bathwater filled with scented salts and oils. Then, afterward, I planned on curling up in my queen-sized mahogany bed to finish the latest novel by my favorite author, Carl Weber. First things first, I needed to pour myself a glass of chardonnay to assist in my unwinding. As the water ran, I turned on my Pandora to the Lalah Hathaway station. I thought about how I couldn’t believe I was about to give all of this up. David Allen, the man I’d had a long-distance relationship with for the past three years, finally asked me to marry him, and I’d gladly accepted. The weird thing was that I always thought I would have a completely different feeling about it. For some reason, I had thought that whenever that special someone God had created specifically for me entered my life, I would know without a doubt that he was the one. However, with David, I still had a ton of reservations. We’d met three years ago in one of my favorite restaurants. My best friend and I needed a girls’ day out, which included pigging out on some good ol’ Southern cuisine at St. Louis’s own Sweetie Pies. It didn’t matter how many times I went there, I never grew tired of their food, especially since no one came close to making collard greens and cornbread like my mother except them. It had grown to be my home away from home, and I couldn’t wait to get there. When we arrived, the restaurant was filled with nothing but women, except for one lonely man sitting off by himself at a table in the corner. That in itself made me curious, but my growling stomach told me to just sit down and enjoy my meal. My best friend had other plans for me though, seeing that I had been single well over a year before that day.
“Tiffany, girl, he’s kind of cute. You should go over there and introduce yourself to him,” she suggested while waving me in his direction.
“Keisha, why are you always trying to play matchmaker? First of all, he’s not my type. And secondly, I’m sure he has to be with one of these women in here.”
“Look, if he were with someone, then why is he sitting all alone? And there’s nothing wrong with a simple introduction. Besides, you won’t know if he’s your type unless you get to know him.”
Physically, I wasn’t attracted to David. He was a lot shorter than I liked. Based on my eye test, he appeared to be between five foot eight and five ten, and even that was a stretch. His complexion was a caramel brown, and I was more into dark chocolate. He was also a little on the pudgy side, which was all right, but not my taste. I didn’t want to come across as shallow, but I also felt that a person had to be at least a little attracted to whoever they were pursuing. None of that stopped Keisha, however. She was determined to hook me up by any means necessary. After I’d begged and pleaded with her to leave it alone, we still found ourselves enjoying the rest of our lunch in Mr. David Allen’s presence. We learned that he drove a tour bus on a weekend women’s retreat, which explained why he was the only man in a roomful of women. He said they were from Dallas, Texas, and would be in St. Louis for the weekend. His conversation was cool, and he really didn’t seem that bad of a guy, but still, he wasn’t the guy for me. Not to mention, I’d never dated someone long distance or even someone his age, for that matter. David was twelve years my senior, although he didn’t look a day over 35. We finished up our small talk and lunch, but I was still starved from trying to eat daintily instead of totally pigging out. That was when David caught me by surprise.
“So, Tiffany, do you think I can call you or even see you again sometime?”
Before I answered, I looked over at Keisha, who gave me the evil eye and kicked me underneath the table. After a couple of moments of contemplation, I figured that a simple phone call would be all right. Especially after realizing how much, I missed conversing with the opposite sex.
“Well, I guess a phone call wouldn’t hurt—”
“Great! I plan on taking the ladies to the Galleria Mall and then to the riverfront, but I can give you a buzz sometime after that.”
“Sounds good,” I said with a partial smile on my face. I gave Keisha the same evil eye she’d given me before.
David called around eight that evening. There was no denying my nervousness, because I hadn’t conversed with a man in that way in a long time. So that I wouldn’t come across too forceful or anxious, I allowed him to take the lead, and let things flow naturally from there. To my surprise, it turned out to be one of the best conversations I’d had with a man in a long time. David had the greatest sense of humor, and I laughed the entire time. We actually stayed on the phone until three the next morning like a couple of high school teenagers. Neither of us wanted to let the other go, to the point that we both fell asleep on the phone. Needless to say, he turned out to be a really good guy who I didn’t mind hanging out with whenever he came into town. Little did I know he would come that very next weekend just to see me, then the weekend after that and the weekend after that. We started to enjoy each other’s company so much that he visited me twice a month, and I, in return, visited him in Texas twice a month. That was all of three years ago, and now, only one month ago today, he’d asked for my hand in marriage. I was overjoyed, to say the least, at the mere thought of being married, although it would require me relocating to Texas. He’d already made it very clear that St. Louis wasn’t somewhere he could ever consider home, so I would make the sacrifice and move there instead. Even though I still had my inhibitions, I decided to go along with the whole idea. In my mind, I felt I wasn’t getting any younger with forty approaching only two years away. Not to mention the fact that my family had grown to adore David. Besides that, I was also ready for a change and new scenery with the recent loss of my mother. Everything here reminded me of her and kept me in a state of depression. So, I needed to do something drastic, and moving to Texas was definitely drastic. With all of that in mind, I assumed any jitters I felt were because I was leaving my comfort zone. I tried to talk myself into believing that anything I felt unsettled about would reveal itself once I was there with him. In the meantime, I laid my head back in my Jacuzzi-style bathtub and began to talk to God.
“God, I’m so scared and confused. I truly need to hear from you. Please talk to me and tell me if David is the one for me before I make what might be the biggest mistake of my life. I mean, I love him but . . . Wait, there really shouldn’t be a but, huh? Anyway, God, please talk to me, even if it may not be what I want to hear. Please tell me what I need to hear.”
That was the very last thing I could recall before I was awakened by a loud, thunderous sound. My eyes shot open wide, and my body trembled, frightened and shaking from the now ice-cold water. Thinking that someone had to be inside of my home, I jumped out of the tub, wrapped my bathrobe around me, and grabbed my bat from my hallway closet. Slowly, I began to search the house. No one was there, and I giggled at myself when I realized it must have been a bad storm outside. Even after all these years of living alone, the slightest noise still scared the hell out of me. I went and looked out my window to see how bad it was outside, but oddly enough, I saw nothing but the dry ground. Walking toward my master bedroom, I felt completely puzzled. Things were strangely just as quiet and peaceful as before, other than the sound of the water that dripped from my bathroom faucet. Right away, tears began to stream down my face as I remembered the last thing I heard with the exuberant sound. The voice that now replayed over and over again in the back of my mind said,
David is not for you.
